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Stas: Hi, my name is Stanislav. Today, as always, we have an interesting guest - Seva Galkin, a photographer, producer, queer film director, and former creative director of the magazine "Queer." Hello, Seva! Seva: Hello, Stas! Stas: Seva, tell us, how did you come to the decision to engage in this kind of art and to address LGBT topics? Seva: Right now, you have to understand that participating in any LGBT organization in Russia is considered participating in an extremist community. This means that if I say that I belong to an LGBT organization or engage in LGBT activities, being here in Russia and being a fairly... Stas: ...well-known? Seva: ...prominent person, yes, with a background of many people who appreciate my work, as well as a large number of people who harbor pathological hatred towards me for various reasons - envy, pure hatred, chauvinism, xenophobia, and so on. It’s easy for them to just file a complaint against me, leading to my accounts being blocked, a slew of criminal charges, and so on. So I don’t even know how to discuss... Stas: Yes, yes... Seva: ...the abbreviation LGBT with you. Stas: Let’s avoid discussing and using that abbreviation. Instead, tell us how you got into male photography. Shooting fashion, weddings, or even still life is much easier, right? When you undertake such projects in more traditional societies like Russia, you expose yourself to the risk of ending up in some kind of separate ghetto. Tell us how you came to this and why it was important for you to stay in the realm of male photography and to showcase male beauty? Seva: If we go back about 25 years, if you were old enough to understand what was happening in Russia, it was a time of hope, change, and complete social reshuffling. People's life strategies and plans for the future were turning upside down. I felt that it was a time of opportunities. It was a different feeling then. Nowadays, people in Russia tend to criticize those times, the '90s, but in reality, it was a time of freedom. After graduating from medical school, I realized I didn’t want to work in the post-Soviet medical field, which hasn’t changed much since then. So, strategically, it was the right choice. I understood that I was a creative person and moved to Moscow. I got a job as a designer at a print shop with a photo studio that had a complete set of equipment but no one using it. Although I had never studied photography, I knew the basics and had an eye for composition. That’s how I started photographing. I began by shooting candy boxes and posters, and then I thought it would be interesting to photograph guys, so I went to a strip club. I remember the first guy, his name was Roma. I slipped him my business card and asked him to come for a photoshoot. That’s how it all started. Stas: Reflecting on the start of your creative journey, you mentioned it was a different time, a time of different hopes. How do you feel about the current times? Seva: Let’s say, the current time is challenging. I would call it a time of waiting. Why aren’t the projects and YouTube channels of those who left very popular? Because we perceive a certain arrogance, like “we’re so brave, we left the country!” This is often expressed, and that’s why we’re not interested in watching it. We understand everything, but there’s an existential choice to be made, right? Either remain silent... It’s clear that going to Red Square with a flag or even a white sheet is predictable. People are developing new strategies, as everything has changed for everyone since February 24, 2022, not only for those who left but also for those who stayed. Most people are preparing backup plans. Stas: Let’s go back to your first documentary, "Hockey in My Dreams" (2024), which was featured at the Moscow Film Festival. Seva: That was a production project. I was the executor, organizing everything as the film's producer. It was part of a strategy to promote a series about hockey, featuring famous players like Ovechkin and Kovalchuk, who scored the winning goal at the 2008 or 2009 World Championship, which united the entire city of Moscow in celebration. My film was like a separate episode of this hockey series, a "POV" film about the film. I filmed the team making the series and their interactions with the heroes, plus an additional character. This mix resulted in a separate, heartwarming film about filmmaking and hockey. Stas: In 2021, you had another film, "Fans." Seva: It’s a film about identity search. The premise is that two skinheads, who are also re-enactors and football fans, stage fake dates to rob homosexuals. They are in a complicated intimate relationship with each other, which is incomprehensible to them. That’s what the film is about. Stas: How safe do you feel? Seva: Of course, I don’t feel safe. That’s why I avoided using the abbreviation LGBT at the beginning of our interview. Being a public figure, my 25-year creative journey shows that I’m not untalented, which causes envy and irritation. I have a lot of haters. In this sense, I am vulnerable, and I take some primary security measures, but I don’t want to discuss them to keep them effective. Another thought is that I feel constrained here in Russia. It’s suffocating, with little room to breathe. What to do about it? I don’t see a way out yet. Moving abroad and asking for political asylum? I fear losing my identity as a Russian author, despite the current toxicity of the word “Russian.” I grew up here, achieved something, and strived for more. Just because a few mad people have turned everything upside down, I feel a crisis. I feel stifled, but what to do about it? I’m still thinking. Stas: Tell us about your recent exhibition. Seva: The last exhibition coincided with the premiere of "Hockey in My Dreams," showcasing frames from the film. Before that, there was supposed to be a participation in the "Open Art" festival six months ago, but it was canceled. The organizers tried to act as if nothing was happening, but their community center and festival had long been under attack from law enforcement and "patriotic" groups. The persistence of the lesbian organizers was commendable, but ultimately, the festival was banned. Stas: Our time is almost up... Seva: Let me promote my closed Telegram channel, where I continue to celebrate male beauty. It doesn’t discuss the war, featuring just a large number of beautiful guys from my archive and new shoots. Stas: Great, it’s good to hear some positive news! Thank you for the personal conversation! Seva: I was glad to talk. The podcast is the intellectual property of “LGBT World Beside.” All rights reserved. The views and opinions expressed in the episodes and on the website belong solely to the guests. This podcast is supported by the European Cultural Foundation and co-financed by the European Union.

Stas  Hello, welcome to a new episode of the podcast "Overcoming Barriers". We explore how LGBT individuals interact with society and strive to find common ground between different identities and genders. In this episode, we are going to talk with Nikita Loyko, a Russian director and public figure. Nikita is known as the creator and director of the popular YouTube channel "Shall We Talk?", which featured important social interviews and documentaries. We are going to discuss his journey to activism, the impact of war and homophobic laws on his work, and his current project – a film that draws attention to the issues transgender people go through in the Netherlands. Hi, Nikita! Nikita Hi! Stas  And the first question right away. As far as I understand, you have already started working with the footage. What will the film be called?   Nikita: The title was literally born yesterday. The film will be called "Transition Prohibited" because these people... they are canceled, forbidden, prohibited. That is, in Russia, due to the so-called law signed by Putin, gender transition is prohibited, medical help and support are prohibited, even changing the gender marker in documents is prohibited. Even marriages that were ever performed, if one of the partners ever changed their gender marker, will also be annulled. So, this pun was intended, since our protagonists exist... well, we filmed them in the city, they crossed the street, visited friends, and so on. In general, it's such a wordplay: "Transition Prohibited." Stas So, there should be some kind of metaphor?   Nikita Well, yes.   Stas: Okay, interesting. Let me give our listeners some background information: Nikita has already shot two documentaries, "Beyond the Rainbow" and "A Pill from Myself," about the Russian-speaking gay community in the Netherlands. Tell us how the idea for a film about transgender people came about.   Nikita It came about because of the news that we hear every day, the inhumane news, the news that is very hard to believe. And of course, people think like, I am a representative of the LGBT community, but I am not a trans person, I am gay. First, they came for one group of people, then for another, and then for a third. It's obvious that all the letters of the alphabet will be targeted eventually, and sooner or later, this will affect everyone. But still, it was hard to believe that such horrible and cruel actions would be taken against all of us. That's why not many people are talking about this yet, I mean about trans people, because it's still somewhat unclear. Even my non-homophobic and tolerant friends don't fully understand trans people. Sometimes there are people who say, "I accept that you're gay. I get it, I have a friend who's normal, he's gay, but ok. But I'm against trans people. What is this? If I say I'm a wolf tomorrow, does that mean I'll be a wolf?" And this is the level of madness that we absolutely need to fight against; it's such ignorance. They are invisible even to the tolerant... even to the LGBT community, which is surprising. Stas There is a problem in our community, actually, this transphobia is inherent in the gay community, especially the Russian-speaking gay community. I think we even touch on this topic in the film. Tell us, which story surprised you the most that you heard.   Nikita All the stories are amazing. This may be a very banal answer, but I am struck by the fact that we have such heroes, each with a personal tragedy and an incredible journey of overcoming obstacles. For example, Mel's story really stands out to me. Now, I might get a bit confused here, and I'll explain why—confused about gender markers—because Mel was once on the Armenian women's national weightlifting team, lifting weights. Back then, he was on the women's team, so I can say he became a European junior champion, a multiple-time European champion, and a bronze medalist at the World Championships. He was supposed to go to the Olympic Games. And you could say his career was destroyed just because of how he looked and how he positioned himself. He was bluntly told that he was a disgrace to Armenia, that he had no right to touch the flag because his hair was the wrong length, he identified with the "wrong" gender, in quotes, "wrong," right? And it's monstrous because, in fact, it was only thanks to him that the Armenian flag was constantly raised to the anthem in honor of his numerous victories, and it's absolute madness.   Kira, for example, is from a war zone, she's from Makiivka. This geographic name is well-known, it's in eastern Ukraine, an occupied territory. I can't imagine what it's like to be a trans girl in an occupied territory. It's hard to honestly and openly communicate anything to the world from there, let alone such a situation. And I'm just happy that she's alive, healthy, and managed to escape from there. All the stories, as they say, are worth a million, and it's incredible. I'm not surprised by this because the lives of trans people, especially from post-Soviet countries, are incredibly difficult, and they have very tough fates. Stas I have a specific question. Every time in your interviews you ask about childhood. As I understand it, this trick is related to wanting to immerse the person in a kind of safe environment so that they are softer and more agreeable. Who came up with this?   Nikita This was invented by our colleagues, good journalists before us. As you said, it’s a trick, but essentially, every professional has their techniques. In every profession, so to speak, a surgeon won't apologize saying, "Sorry, please, we’re going to cut here with this sharp scalpel, it might hurt a bit." If he did that... well, he has a certain technique. He knows how to cut, at what angle, so it hurts only once or doesn’t hurt under anesthesia, but afterwards everything heals and stitches up well. The same goes for interviewing techniques that help reveal a person. If you make the person feel completely comfortable, you won’t get deep answers. No, childhood is not a comfortable zone for anyone; on the contrary, it appears in interviews to play strong cards right away, to bring out trauma, so to speak. Childhood usually sets the patterns that trouble us for a long time. It’s clear that for LGBT people... a person puts on a mask from childhood, it even grows on them at some point. The life of an LGBT child and the life of a cisgender heterosexual child are two completely different fates, two different worlds. Childhood usually sets certain patterns, relationships with people, almost everyone has some troubles with their fathers. Cold, rejecting, even absent fathers do not make our adult life great. Or on the contrary, there were very loving parents. And that’s a completely different person. So, it’s easier to rely on childhood. You meet a person for an interview for the first time in your life, and to understand them, you need to refer to the foundation, and then it becomes clear. It’s the core structure of their personality.   Stas In this regard, what are your memories of childhood? As far as I remember, you’re from Siberia, right?   Nikita Yes, I was born in Vladivostok, but from the age of 8, I lived in Siberia. From 8 to 22 – in the city of Barnaul, Altai Krai, a bit off the beaten path. Here in Europe, I find it fun to talk about this because I say it best describes the phrase "in the middle of nowhere," it’s absolutely true. If you draw a line from Barnaul in four directions, the nearest oceans will be at the same distance of thousands of kilometers. The nearest big city is Novosibirsk, and that’s super far. So, my childhood was generally happy, but as it could be in a provincial town, far from civilization.   Stas Tell us how you got into directing? Nikita I really wanted to become an actor or director. I grew up in a private house with a wooden toilet—a hole in the ground, with all that entails. I remember when the movie "Titanic" came out, I would climb on top of that toilet, pretending to be Rose calling out "Jack!" because the starry sky looked so similar... my hand... In our bathhouse, the water barrel would freeze, and every time we heated the bath, we had to thaw it. That was my iceberg, and I would constantly sink my handmade wooden "Titanics"... So, I really wanted to go into acting or directing. In my childhood, I participated in school theater, and later in college too, but initially, I asked my parents for permission, stating that I was applying to the Russian College of Culture. I didn’t expect the response I got—they bluntly said the notorious phrase, "Only over our dead bodies." I was like... Seriously? I cried all night and then applied to become a teacher of Russian language and literature, which was more socially acceptable, but my interest didn’t disappear. So, in my first year of college, I saw a casting call for television. An MTV-type branch was opening, and I got in, and since then, I worked in television, gaining experience there.   Stas: And then? How did the channel "Shall We Talk?" come about?   Nikita: Of course, there's a gap of several years here, well, at least a decade. When I moved to Moscow, I met Ira Shikhman on the program "Stories in Detail." She immediately became my closest friend and I hers. There were many twists and turns, which I won’t go into because it would take too much airtime, but it ended with us leaving "STS" and Mayarov. YouTube was on the rise then, and we decided to create a channel, not expecting huge viewership. We thought a few thousand views, like 3,000, would be more than enough, but from the first episodes, it became clear that YouTube was in high demand. It was like planting a stick in fertile soil and finding a tree the next day. YouTube was like that because freedom of speech was rapidly declining in the country, and this window where you could get a breath of fresh air was YouTube. It was obviously difficult to do that on television, so people grabbed onto any independent content. That’s how I explain why these videos quickly became popular. Initially, they were interviews with celebrities, but even with them, there was an incredible degree of freedom. For instance, Dud's famous question "Do you masturbate?" that made him famous wasn’t just random. At first, I couldn’t understand why, but then I realized it immediately strips away any pretense from a person. Because everyone goes to the toilet, masturbates, acts silly, loses their slippers and glasses. And I think this had an impact on both the stars and the viewers in the format of "Is this allowed?" Before, the entire show business was controlled by a few producers, the entire image was constructed, celebrities came to interviews with pre-approved questions, maintaining their glamorous facade. And then "Do you masturbate?"—it breaks all the polish, and we understand that now it will be a free, good conversation because now everyone is exposed.   Stas Please tell us about the new law regarding the placement of advertisements by foreign agents that was passed this year, and your channel falls under this law. How has it affected your work?   Nikita Overall, it has practically killed the channel. They started tightening the noose around us gradually and for a long time. Signals were sent that it was unsafe to visit people like Shikhman, Dud, and Gordeeva, making it harder for us to arrange guests. Then, when everyone became agents, it divided even advertisers. 98% of advertisers, who were our only source of income, left simply because they didn’t want to risk it. Even before penalties were imposed for advertising, once it became illegal, the number of clients dropped to zero. We still have views, but I should clarify that monetization alone isn’t a huge amount of money. It was enough to support the setup and pay for shoots, but with the sanctions against Russia, monetization in Russia was completely cut off. So, people watch, but we don’t get paid for it anymore. In such a situation, the departure of the last advertisers is basically a death blow. For example, after this law, Gordeeva said she was closing her channel. It’s not like a newspaper, though running a newspaper also requires resources. Video journalism needs cameras, lights, travel; we used to be able to shoot three episodes in one studio in Moscow in a day. Now every guest is someone who has moved far away, and we need to travel to them. This costs a lot of money. We’re in trouble now, honestly, and every day you wake up, open your email, and think, "What's next? Something else is probably coming." But I think everyone lives like this now, so it’s nothing extraordinary.   Stas You left Russia after the invasion of Ukraine. How has this decision affected your work and personal life? Nikita Yes, I left Russia due to the full-scale invasion. I did it on the second or third day. The reason wasn’t further mobilization or repressive laws. When I need to explain why it happened, it’s a tremendous shame. It didn’t matter if I would be safe or unsafe afterward; I would still feel so ashamed that my ears would burn, and I would want to sink into the ground. So, for me, the question wasn’t whether to leave. Of course, I had to leave. The only question was how. In the end, I acted completely spontaneously on the second day with a small backpack, and I had some miles lying around with Aeroflot. I bought a ticket to somewhere and left to somewhere. That’s it, the story ended there. It turned into an incredible adventure, and that’s the coolest part. I have a personality that made it easy for me to endure all this. Though, of course, I got more gray hairs, and if anything, now my hair is dyed. Because I found out in the first month that I was almost completely gray, well not completely, just the temples and all that. The stress was obviously serious, and there were some health issues. But what helped was that I love adventures. Then we went to the North Pole to shoot a documentary film, and I had a project that took me to very strange places, the Arab East, in very strange circumstances. When I was really scared, I would play James Bond music in my head, Mission: Impossible, something like that, and I told myself this was a movie, an adventure, that none of this was real, and what was happening now was an insanely interesting adventure. If I had told myself five years ago that I would be living in Europe, in a European capital, making documentaries, shooting European short films, participating in festivals, living a full life, doing this and that, I would have just... been amazed, to put it simply.   Stas Why was the war such a turning point for you? Nikita I’ll probably answer in an unconventional way. I have an absolutely stable association of the entire situation with an abusive family and an abusive tyrant father, which is what I personally experienced. For me, Putin represents a father figure because, well, his decisions are made purely out of brute force. The phrase "like it or not, endure, my dear" – that’s what conveys both my father and this... nonhuman... So, you can tell a four-year-old, "Well, your dad is hitting your mother in front of your eyes. So, you should just leave, protest, I don’t know, go out with a sign saying ‘We, the kendergarteners, are completely against it’." It seems that many people have reached some kind of maturity. I left home too, and not even at 18, although at 18 it was already possible to give the middle finger and leave. Maturity is needed, growing up is needed. Of course, since 2011, I was at protests, and of course, I was always within the framework of independent journalism. I had 150 opportunities to move into propaganda and earn a lot, but I chose not to. Of course, I saw all this; the annexation of Crimea and so on crushed me. But I was immature, unready for such decisions. I was always weighing things and naturally preparing for migration at some point, understanding that I would probably leave and understanding what all this was leading to, what it smelled like. For me, all of this is about domestic violence, just at the state level.   Stas Tell us how you cope with the challenges of emigration and adapting to a new life. How does it affect your creativity? And tell us a bit about your current projects.   Nikita What do I think about emigration? I feel anxious here, like everyone else. I’m trying to learn the language, which is quite difficult. Among the Latin languages, I know Italian, and of course, Portuguese is much harder. I’m making every effort, I hope, to integrate because I’m not on pause; I’m not just waiting it out. I understand that I need to live here, work here, build my life here, and closing myself off in a Russian bubble, a Russian-speaking, Slavic one – that’s not right. Putting myself on hold – that’s wrong, so I need to act. Very few people here are interested in overly Russian-speaking projects, so I made a short film in English and Portuguese, with Portuguese team members and actors, and performed here in Portuguese theater. I created video installations for a wonderful theater called "Bella." And I hope to continue. I participated in the "Lissboa Indie Film Festival" with "The Pill from Myself", and even received a diploma. These are all just tiny bits, but it’s only the beginning. I just arrived, don’t even have a residence permit yet, and I’m already featured in the main newspaper of the country on the last page in the culture section, with a diploma and some things happening. Damn, I need to keep going. I hope everything will work out.   Stas What advice would you give to people who are currently living in emigration or planning to emigrate? Nikita There are two completely different types of people: those who are already in emigration and those who are about to emigrate. But in general, there is one thing that unites them, which is that you need to be very clear about your purpose. Why are you going? Are you going just because of the convenient geography? So you will live here, rent a nice apartment, work remotely for Russia, and just wait it out? Then that’s one kind of life. That’s probably possible too. Or are you going because everything is too much, you want a better future for your children, you want freedom, you cannot tolerate dictatorship... For me, it’s a personal tragedy when people like Zhenya Berkovich and Sveta Petriichuk are sentenced to insane terms. They didn’t imprison me, but I feel imprisoned along with them. I’m leaving for another country to live there. In this case, it’s a completely different type of emigration, and the main advice is to integrate. Even if it’s difficult, even if the language doesn’t come easily, you can always find ways. You can befriend a neighbor, talk to an old lady in the building, that’s also part of integration. Try speaking to a taxi driver in the local language, even if you have to apologize for your awful, silly attempt and say, "Sorry, I have no one to practice with." For example, I have friends who refuse to attend foreign gatherings where foreigners will be present. They see it as a flag, like "No, no, we are in the Russian bubble." They don’t want to speak English, they feel it’s too tiring after work. Well hello there, you’re in another country, don’t avoid people so they don’t avoid you later. Integration is a very challenging thing, but it brings a lot of benefits in the future.   Stas On this significant note, we are through. Thank you very much for your candid answers.   Nikita  You’re welcome. I was very glad to be here.   This podcast is the intellectual property of "LGBT World Beside." All rights are reserved. The views and opinions expressed in the episodes presented in the podcast and on the website belong solely to the guests. This podcast is supported by the European Cultural Foundation and co-financed by the European Unio

Stas Hi, this is the "Overcoming Barriers" podcast. Here, we share stories of LGBT people interacting with society and with individuals of different identities and genders, and try to figure out  how  people from different walks of life can find common ground in various circumstances. My name is Stas. Today, as always, we have an interesting guest and a very important topic on our podcast. Today, we are going to talk with Kai. Hi, Kai. Kai Hi. Hello everyone. Stas I have some information about you. Kai moved to the Netherlands in 2019 from Krasnodar. Yes, that's correct. He works in the tourism industry. Kai is HIV-positive, and we can talk about that. It is especially valuable to us that he has agreed to speak openly, and among other things about opinions on HIV in Russia and the Netherlands. Please tell us about how you moved to the Netherlands and why you particularly had chosen to come here.   Kai I moved to the Netherlands at the end of 2019 because it was no longer safe for me to stay in Russia since in Krasnodar I wasn't really hiding my sexuality . I came out for the first time, probably in 2013, when the first homophobic law was enacted in Russia. I went with one-person picket in my small town. I posted a photo of it on the internet. Then it started getting reposted, and since the town is small, people began to recognize me, started writing, calling, and threatening me. After that, I moved to Krasnodar, a larger city, but it was pretty much the same there. I lived there for a few years, and by 2019, I had to leave. I first tried to go to America, but that didn't work out. Then I just accidentally found out that it was easier to get asylum in the Netherlands as a gay person from Russia, so I made that decision. But to be honest, I didn't really know much about the Netherlands, just that it was safe for gays and that you could get asylum there, and that was it.   Stas I'm not from the biggest city myself, but I didn't have the guts to go out for solo protests. Kai It was scary, but I just had this feeling inside that I had to do it, I don't know why. There was just this inner feeling that I needed to do it. So, I went out and did it. But, truth be told, when the threats started pouring in, I got scared and deleted the photo. But it was too late. Everything that gets on the internet stays on the internet. Stas My next question is, you are ethnically Armenian. I'm not sure how much you are immersed in those traditions.   Kai They are completely alien to me, even though my whole family is traditionally Armenian. But I had always felt like an outsider in my family because I was very different from them. They are traditional Armenians, and I am a complete black sheep. So, it's hardly my concern, but I am quite familiar with it. Stas A stranger among your own, and your own among strangers. Kai Yes, that's why I blocked all my relatives after emigrating, because maintaining such a connection is impossible. Stas I have my first question. Please tell us about your name. As far as I understand, this is not your original name; you decided to change it. Why Kai? Kai Yes, I want to change my name because, since childhood, I realized that I didn't like at all my real name, Boris. Stas Boris? Kai Yes, Boris. Stas A good Armenian name. Sure, here is the translation:   Kai I absolutely loathed it. Since childhood, I would just think, "God, what a disgusting name. Why did they name me that?" It just didn't feel like my name.  I spent a long time searching for a name to take. I've been using name Kai for a very long time. When I was about 15-16, I had a friend, and we were going through names together. She just blurted out that the name Kai would suit me. And I liked it. Stas Well, even looking at you, I would not say that you look like a Boris. Kai People often tell me that, and it makes me happy when they do. Stas So that  your name suits you so well, and when I found out you werer ethnically Armenian, I thought it would be absolutely ok for you to use a name from a fairy tales. Kai Absolutely, yes. Stas I thought,  great that you took a name from "The Snow Queen."     Kai I've been asked many times, "Where's your Gerda? Where's your Gerda?" I say, no, it's not related to the fairy tale, I just heard the name and liked it, and thought, why not? I've been using it for a long time, and I plan to change it when I get my passport. Unfortunately, I can't change my name until I get the passport. Stas Yes, and as I understand it, you will need to pay a fee and provide justification for the change. Kai Yes, yes, but with the first name it seems easier, changing a surname is more complicated.You still need to pay a fee, as far as I know, and justify it. But I hope it will be approved; there are no apparent reasons to deny it. Stas Let's talk about homophobia. Now you live openly, without hiding your sexuality. Tell us about your experience with homophobia in Russia.  Kai Oh, it's been a very long journey because my experience with homophobia in Russia started back in school. And it all began... How did it start? When I was about 15-16, I became interested in the emo subculture. You know, with long bangs, yes. And in my village, I don’t know what I was thinking back then, whether I was too brave or too foolish, because I’m originally from a village with a population of about 2,000 people. So, while I was in school, I walked around the village with long bangs and in pink clothes. Stas Listen, you’re 30.  Kai  Yes, I’m 30 now.  Stas The emo scene shouldn’t have reached you. Was this in kindergarten? Or was it something like that there? Kai In 2007, the emo scene started. I was 15 years old then. In 2007. Stas We had it earlier. Kai Apparently, it started in a bigger city. In our village, it took a while to reach us. Around 2008-2007 was the peak of the emo fashion in our area. So I was walking around, and that’s when the first threats started, the first, well, not attacks, but, let’s say, sometimes I would get beaten up at school. And then the first problems with homophobia began when I entered the technical college and staged a went with a single protest in 2013. And then everything went downhill from there. There were many incidents; I can’t compress them all into one. Stas Did you face bullying at school? Kai Yes, there was bullying in school. And teachers even called me to the principal’s office because I had pink shoelaces once. They said, "How can your parents tolerate this? It’s a nightmare, you have pink shoelaces. You’re a boy, you can’t wear pink shoelaces." And they also threatened to expel me from school because I had bangs. Stas Well, it's basically the same now, maybe even more so in Russia. I'm curious, did you come across any cases where someone in your circle had been a homophobe and later stopped being one?   Kai Yes, strangely enough. Actually, I had something like that. It was with a friend from elementary school; we had been friends since first grade. When I started coming out, the first time I came out, I don’t remember how old I was, but it was when I was still in school, probably in the ninth or tenth grade. I came out to a friend, accidentally, while drunk. Later, he started suspecting something because we were close, but I hadn’t told him. He started suspecting something, I don’t remember how it all started, but he asked me directly, “Are you gay?” I realized there was no point in lying. I told him that  I was gay. Before that, he was very homophobic. He often expressed the view that gays were mentally ill, and such people should be isolated from society. But when I came out, strangely enough, he said that yes, he still hated faggots, if I can use that word But he liked me, he knew I was a good person, and he accepted me. It was a very strange interaction. It was that very one time.  And I had another very strange experience, actually. When I was a student, I always did some thoughtless things. There was a popular social network called “Drug Vokrug” back then. If you know about that app, where you could find people from your city and chat with them. I had a profile there, a gay profile, without my photo but still gay. And I got a message from some homophobic guy who started writing all sorts of homophobic things to me. I started talking to him, and it turned out he lived in the same city as me, he was a bodybuilder, an athlete. And he was dating one of my classmates. Our communication started with him sending me nasty messages and stuff, but then it evolved into a conversation where he wanted to know why I was like that. So, I began talking to him and explaining things. One day, he even suggested we meet. I went to that meeting, not sure why. Stas Classic. Kai Well, I thought, the guy seemed decent, though intimidating because he was a bodybuilder and homophobic. But you know, we met once, talked, and although he didn’t really understand it, he showed some interest. He was curious to know what it was all about. So, we talked once, and that was it. I didn’t see him anymore. Stas Ah, yes, let’s talk about your HIV status. How did you find out about your status? And the next question: Was there anyone in your circle who supported you when they found out? How did you cope overall? Kai It was quite a different story because I found out about my HIV status when I was 22 years old, and I found out by accident. In my younger years, I had very few sexual partners, and I thought that HIV and STDs only concerned prostitutes, drug addicts, and those who had a too active sex life, whereas mine was modest and quiet, so I didn’t see the need for testing. Yes, I understand now that it was very foolish not to get tested. Then, when I was in a relationship, at one point I started having health issues and needed surgery. For the surgery, they took all sorts of tests, including for HIV. A few days later, the doctor called and said that we had received all the results, but that for HIV, I needed to go to an HIV center, as it is called in Russia, to find out my results. I thought, well, whatever, it will probably be negative. At that time, my then-boyfriend and I were about to move to Bali, Indonesia. We had already sold all our belongings, quit our jobs, and were flying out in just a couple of weeks. But I didn’t go to the HIV center. The doctor called me again and said the same thing. I told my then-boyfriend about it, and he said it was strange; if they haven’t given you a diagnosis, you need to go and find out because it’s odd. So, I went to the HIV center. Just two days before our departure, I found out that I was HIV-positive. It was, of course, like the ground was pulled out from under me. I couldn’t believe it. I retook the tests several times, but the result was the same, positive. I didn’t know at that time how long I had been ill because my viral load had already started to decrease. So, it wasn’t the first year.    Stas And how many cells did you have?   Kai About 600 or so, if I’m not mistaken. Honestly, I’m not very good with numbers, but it was around 600, so it was already on the borderline.   Stas So, in Russia, according to the protocol, 600 is generally considered a threshold for starting medication.   Kai Yes, yes, it’s recommended to start taking medication.   Stas Here, as I understand it, in the West there is a different practice where they don’t wait and you are given medication immediately.   Kai Yes, that’s correct, they give you medication right away.   Stas In our case, when doctors delay providing medication, do you have any theories about why this happens? Was it immediate for you? Kai And it wasn’t immediate for me either, even though my indicators were quite poor. For a long time, they also didn’t want to give me therapy, and I only managed to get it with great difficulty through another doctor who performed surgery on me. I wouldn’t want to say what kind of surgery. But she said that if they didn’t provide me with therapy, it would be a constant relapse, and I would have to undergo surgery again and again. Only after that, they grudgingly agreed to give me the therapy. Most likely, in Russia, there were constant interruptions in therapy; even back then, I remember there were shortages every now and then. And the quality of therapy in Russia... When I came here, I showed the doctors, and I said, "My God, is this what you’re given?" The therapy was just... Stas I’ll tell you more. We’re in a certain context here. When I tell my boyfriend that my cousin died of AIDS, and I also had a childhood friend who died of AIDS, it was really... When I talk about it, they ask, “How? How do you live with this?” I say, “Well, it’s basically normal for us.” Kai Yes, yes, it’s normal for us. Stas So, what’s the big deal, right? Kai  Yes, it’s normal for us that people die of AIDS. There are also many dissidents. When I found out about my diagnosis, I went online and came across a lot of groups and forums of dissidents. And when you find out something like that, the first stage is denial. I started to think maybe there really isn’t any HIV? Maybe we’re being lied to? Stas  So you had hope? Kai I had hope, yes, but fortunately, I timely accepted the fact that HIV really exists. I was so in denial that we still went to Indonesia, but not to live there, just for vacation. I even retested twice there, and it was positive there too. If two different countries have positive results, then it’s definitely HIV.   Stas What was your medical support like at your HIV center in Krasnodar?   Kai In Krasnodar it  was very poor. I was on a program with 5 pills a day. Two pills in the morning, two pills in the evening. It was Lamivudine, Tenofovir, and something else. And before bed, Efavirenz. That Efavirenz, which you take before bed, was such a toxic medication that I still have short-term memory issues because of it. I took it for 5 years. It was quite harsh. I wouldn’t recommend it.   Stas A lot of side effects, right?   Kai A lot of side effects. Yes, I had many side effects. They always advised me to take it right before bed. Take it and go straight to sleep. Because if I didn’t fall asleep, I would start feeling a kind of heat in my chest. If I drank water, there would be coordination problems, I couldn’t really stand on my feet, I would fall.   Stas Like being drunk.   Kai Yes, like being drunk. There were some mild hallucinations, and problems with short-term memory too. It was like a drug. Yes, it was some kind of toxic drug.   Stas So, how often did you have appointments with your therapist in Russia?   Kai Once every six months, just like here. And I received therapy for three months only. So, I had to come and get therapy every three months. The appointment itself was once every six months.   Stas And how long did your appointment last?   Kai It didn’t last long, about 10-15 minutes. I would just go in, she would ask if everything was okay, if everything was normal. I would say yes, and she would say, "Okay, go take your tests," and that was it, goodbye.   Stas I see. How long does your appointment with your therapist last here?   Kai Here, the appointment lasts about an hour. They ask more detailed questions, they check your blood pressure, and if there are any questions, they answer them openly. Back in Russia, it wasn’t very open. Stas It was more of a conveyor-belt type of approach. Kai Yes, more like a conveyor belt. When I first went in, right after I was informed about my status, the first thing they asked me was, “Who did you get it from, a man or a woman?” And in that kind of setting, I kept saying, “I’m not gay, I’m not gay.” But they kept pushing, “Well, you must have gotten it from a man. Admit it, it’s obvious you got it from a man.” I said no. Then the doctor said, “Maybe you just forgot, because I had a case where a guy came to us, and he was raped at a party. Maybe you were raped too, and you forgot?” I said no, that didn’t happen. She said, “Well, okay.” And they kept prying into who I got it from; it didn’t matter whether it was a man or a woman. I didn’t say, because I didn’t really want to open up to them. Moreover, they also asked for the contacts of everyone I had sex with, to warn them. I said I wouldn’t provide contacts; it’s...   Stas A traumatic experience.   Kai Yes, yes.   Stas Listen, please tell me, have you encountered any incorrect treatment regarding your HIV status here in the Netherlands? Kai No, never. In fact, I don’t hide it at all here. Not that I walk around with a banner, but whenever I seek any medical help, even at the dentist, if they ask about my medication, I tell them that I have HIV and I’m taking some medication. Wherever I go, if it’s necessary, I openly say that I have HIV, and I’ve never faced any issues, not at all, zero.   Stas We’ve covered a lot today, and it’s been really valuable and insightful information. Thank you for being open about your HIV status. I think it’s really important for people... Go ahead.   Kai Yes, it’s very important because, in Russia, for instance, well, I’m talking about the time I was there, but I don’t think things have changed much, honestly. I remember that even on Hornet, for example, most guys didn’t list their HIV status; everyone claimed to be negative, even though there was an epidemic in the country. And those who did list it always had a red ribbon icon because of the heavy stigma. If someone said they had HIV, I even saw instances where people posted profiles of other guys, attaching photos and saying, “He has HIV, don’t meet him.” This only causes people to isolate themselves, but the infection continues, and they still engage in sexual activity.   Stas It should be noted that if you’re HIV-positive, whether in Russia or the Netherlands, you’re likely more informed about your health. Kai  Yes, that's true. Moreover, you see the doctor at least once every six months, and you pay more attention to your health. Generally, someone who is on therapy eventually achieves an undetectable viral load. For instance, I have an undetectable viral load now, which means I cannot transmit the virus to anyone at all.   Stas I have two questions. What would you say to someone who has just been told about their HIV status yesterday or today? What words of support can you offer to that person?   Kai  It's very difficult for me to support others, but the only thing I can say is that the world doesn't end there. Even if someone finds out about their HIV status in Russia, they still need to seek medical help and start therapy. HIV, if managed properly, doesn’t affect your life in a negative way. I don’t notice it at all. I just take my medication, and that’s it. It hasn’t made my life any worse or better. It has happened, and the only thing you can do is accept it and not be afraid. As for openness, that’s a personal decision for each individual.   Stas Please tell me about your therapy. As I understand, your current therapy is different from the one you had in Russia.   Kai Yes, that's right. Since I came here, I've been on therapy. I take Biktarvy, which is one pill before bed. It has absolutely no side effects; well, there was a side effect when I first switched to it, as I had headaches during the transition, but that lasted about two weeks, and then it was fine.   Stas  So, it's not a generic?   Kai   No, no, it's not a generic. It's a high-quality medication that I get through insurance. Here, we have health insurance, and there's an excess that costs 385 euros a year, which is like a deductible. The therapy falls under this excess, so I pay 380 euros a year for it, but I break it down and pay 38 euros a month. Considering how much this therapy actually costs, it's not a lot of money.   Stas   How much does it actually cost?   Kai As far as I know, one pack costs around 2000 euros, but I only pay 38 euros a month.   Stas If you contract other things, like hepatitis C or D, does the insurance cover those as well?   Kai   Yes, the insurance covers all STIs and other health issues. So, even if I go for my check-ups every three months as required and something is found, it will be covered by the insurance.   Stas   Great. And the last question I want to ask you is: What can friends, acquaintances, or relatives of people living with HIV do to support them?   Kai The main thing they can do is to make the person feel that their HIV status doesn’t scare them at all. Because HIV is not transmitted through casual contact. There are misconceptions, and I don’t know if they still exist, that if someone with HIV gets a cut, their blood can infect someone else. That’s not true; HIV is only transmitted through direct blood-to-blood contact, if you both have open, deep wounds and you come into contact with each other’s blood. It doesn’t transmit through saliva either. When I first learned about my HIV status, there were people who said, "Oh, I ate from the same dish as you," and they were afraid they might catch it. I want to tell those people not to be afraid; you won’t contract it unless you engage in sexual activity with that person. Make it clear that their HIV status does not affect your relationship with them. Essentially, it shouldn’t even be noticed. Whether they have HIV or not doesn’t matter.   Stas On this note, we’ll wrap up. Thank you very much for coming. Kai Thank you very much for the invitation and for the very interesting questions.   DISCLAIMER The podcast is the intellectual property of LGBT World Beside. All rights reserved. The views and opinions expressed in the episodes presented on the website are solely those of the guests. This podcast is supported by the European Cultural Foundation and the European Union.

Adam Hi! This is the podcast "Overcoming Barriers." Here, we share stories about how LGBTQ+ individuals interact with society at large, with people of different identities and genders, and how to ensure that diverse people can find common ground in any circumstances. My name is Adam, and we're very happy to talk today with Dakota. Hello! Dakota Hello! Adam I'll briefly introduce you to our listeners. Dakota is an artist originally from Kazakhstan. She has been living in the Netherlands since she was 12, identifies as a transgender person, and is currently undergoing hormone transition. Is that correct? Dakota Yes. Adam Today, we want to discuss how societies in Kazakhstan and the Netherlands differ in terms of transgender people acceptance and how art helps navigate these trying times. But let's take it step by step. Could you please tell us how you came to the Netherlands? Dakota When I was 12 years old, my father was already living in the Netherlands. He is Afghan. He moved to the Netherlands because of the war, and then one day he was in Kazakhstan, saw my mother when she was 16, and he was probably 30. Then they had me. He lived in the Netherlands, we lived in Kazakhstan, and then they decided to move to the Netherlands. That's how I came here. Adam With your family? Dakota Yes, with my mother. My father was already living here, so I moved here with my mother. She is Russian. Adam As we mentioned in previous episodes, the lack of acceptance of LGBTQ+ individuals and various types of phobias often arise, among other things, due to the lack of information. For those who want to understand better, let's try to briefly explain what a transgender person is and what the steps of transition are. Dakota For trans individuals, I would say there are three main steps. Officially, there are two steps. The first step is when you realize yourself or understand that you are trans. This is about self-acceptance in your own world. After that, you likely go through a social transition. This is when you tell your family or close people that you are a trans person. For example, you change your name or pronouns. And after that, you likely go through a physical transition. This involves hormones and possibly surgeries. Adam That’s the third step. Dakota Yes, that’s the third step, meaning hormones and surgeries, but only if you want to. In my view, there are three stages. Adam What do you know about the treating of trans people in Kazakhstan? Dakota Very little. What I know is mostly from my childhood. Trans people were talked about as if they were demons who didn’t know what they wanted and wanted to kill or molest children. There was almost no information. Sometimes terms like transvestites would come up. There is a difference between transgender people and transvestites. Transvestites are people who simply like to dress in clothing typically associated with the opposite gender. They have a different approach to this than transgender people. Because of this, whenever there was talk about transgender people in the news or everyday conversations, they were compared to transvestites, like with Verka Serduchka, saying they are just actors and it's all fake. There was little information, but mostly people talked about gays and lesbians. The way they talked about them was nightmarish too. This is all from my childhood. Adam Is this what you remember from your childhood? Dakota Yes, I remember all this from my childhood because I recall when I was about 7 or 8 years old. I grew up  in a very religious environment. I had always been Muslim, then my mom converted me into Christian. I went to a Christian school, and there was a girl with red nails. She had painted them so beautifully. The next day, I decided to paint mine too. But when I came to school, the teachers spoke to me very aggressively and even summoned my parents to the school. I realized then that behaving outside the binary system was not accepted and could be dangerous for oneself. In these moments, you understand that some things are bad and some things are good. At that moment, I realized that if I, as a boy at that time, did something feminine, it was considered very bad. Or if a girl did something masculine, that was also very bad. Gradually, layer by layer, you understand that all this is bad. Gender stereotypes are enforced, and everything is in that spirit. I started to understand this gradually, even from the news or when they mocked foreign cartoons if they featured lesbians, gays, or non-gendered characters You just understood that this was bad, and you thought negatively about these people, about us. Adam Do you keep track of how things are there now? Has the attitude changed at all? Do you know anything about that?   Dakota I recently asked my mother how things are in Kazakhstan regarding all this because sometimes we discuss the topic of what it would have been like if we had stayed there. She says there were gays and lesbians; all of that existed, but they were very closeted, meaning it was all hidden in clubs. She doesn’t know much more because it  has been over ten years since we left. A few months ago, I watched an interview from Kazakhstan. They interviewed a couple of trans girls about how they live and how things are for them. It’s a nightmare because they still have the same old system regarding transgender people. They force people to undergo a physical transition, such as surgery or hormone therapy, even though some boys and girls are allergic to hormones.   Adam Do they force them to undergo something? Dakota If you want, I can explain the protocol. In the Netherlands, this was the case until 2014. The Netherlands was the first country in the early 2000s, I believe, to establish a gender protocol that outlined how to identify who is transgender and how to help them. It described, for example, starting with the social transition, then hormone therapy, and finally surgery. You had to go through all these steps, meaning you were forced to do everything, even if some people couldn’t afford it. And in Kazakhstan, as far as I understand, they still have the old system. If you want to receive hormones, you get a certificate stating you are mentally ill. You cannot change your passport or ID card. You can only change these documents if you undergo surgery. As I understand, the surgery can only be done in Almaty or other countries, which costs a fortune. Most trans people find it hard to get a job, even here in the Netherlands, so in Kazakhstan, it’s even worse. There are almost no job opportunities except for sex work. Most girls work as sex workers to earn money. However, it's impossible to save enough for surgery with such small earnings because there’s no insurance or anything like that. In the Netherlands, the situation for sex workers is somewhat better, but in Kazakhstan, it’s a nightmare.   Adam What did you mean by saying they force people? Dakota The protocol in Kazakhstan is still old. If you want to make an official transition, like in your passport and all that, you must take hormones and have surgery, such as vaginoplasty and FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery). If you don’t do this, you can’t get your documents changed. This leads to many conflicts. For example, a girl might be stopped by the police, and her ID says Mikhail, even though her name is Karina. It creates awkward situations, like not being able to get married. It’s a nightmare.   Adam Is it possible to stay without transitioning fully?   Dakota Yes and no. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.   Adam Who decides this? Dakota Scientific researchers, or similar professionals, make the diagnosis. However, in my experience, when I talked to one of these experts, he didn’t know the basic concepts of gender. He was unaware that gender is a construct, what the difference is between physical gender and identity. He asked very stereotypical questions, like whether I wore skirts. Yes, I do, but that doesn’t determine if you’re a woman or a man because many girls wear pants, or whether you wear makeup, or what your sexual position in bed is—if you’re dominant, then you’re a man, not a transgender person. These were very stereotypical and unpleasant questions. This person essentially gives you a green or red light to start things like hormone therapy.   Adam And what other treatings of trans people have you encountered in the Netherlands?   Dakota Unfortunately, trans people are still sometimes murdered. Last year, a girl was killed in Utrecht. At the beginning of the year, another girl was also killed.   Adam Utrecht is one of the most tolerant cities in the Netherlands.   Dakota Yes, indeed. She was killed. Her name was Uzge, and she was Turkish. So, these things do happen. People can be very aggressive. Sometimes, but it’s rare. Most people just stay silent and watch. Generally, society is accepting. From my experience, it’s normal. Adam  Is there any information about the causes or investigations into these acts of violence? Dakota It’s based on transphobia. That’s why I say she was killed; she didn’t die from a heart attack or something like that. She was just beaten, stabbed, or shot. It was purely due to transphobia. As for the official process, it’s quite difficult. It’s a very long, drawn-out process to get everything documented. It took me about five years. I started trying to address this at 15, now I’m almost 26. So, it’s a lengthy process. You have to talk a lot and prove why you’re transgender. It’s been very hard, and it continues to be difficult. Some girls are still on waiting lists for assistance. These waiting lists can take years.   Adam If we compare transphobia in Kazakhstan and the Netherlands, how similar is it?   Dakota It’s hard for me to say because I have limited experience being a trans person in Kazakhstan. But sometimes, when I talk to relatives or old friends, they are very neutral but more passive. Like, “Yeah, that’s cool, but it’s better if you disappear.” That’s my experience.   Adam Have you encountered transphobia here? Dakota There were many instances. One of the most horrifying experiences I had was when I was working. I was working as a cashier, and I had a side job as an assistant to help close the store and such. After work, I went outside to close the store with some other girls. A man approached us and asked what we were doing. I said we were closing the store. Then he asked, "Who are these people?" I said, "I work here." And he said, "No, no, no, no, you’re spreading HIV. You’re a transvestite, right? Trying to harm children here?" I was like, "What?" He started to become very aggressive towards me. I was in shock. Later, the girl and I ran into the store and hid in the Albert Heijn because we were really scared. He was about two meters tall, a bit muscular. I’m strong and can stand up for myself, but...   Adam Was he drunk or not?   Dakota No, he wasn’t drunk. That’s the thing. From what I saw, he wasn’t on any substances. He was just... a man. I remember him because he used to come to the store often. He would sometimes look at me strangely, but I just continued with my work. He was waiting for me. It was really frightening. I called the police. Unfortunately, the police didn’t help at all. Fortunately, in the Netherlands, there is also an organization called "Pink Police." If you are LGBTQ+, you can call them directly, and they understand the issue and help you right away. The regular police told me that if I wasn’t physically harmed, everything was fine. I told them I was scared to go back to work, what if he came with a knife and attacked me? They didn’t help with that. My employer also didn’t help. He even said it was my fault because I should have just walked away instead of talking to him. I was like, "What do you mean? A person is attacking me and calling me names, and I should just stay silent and leave?" He said yes, and they didn’t help. A few weeks later, he even came with dogs, but I quickly left on my bike. It was scary, and I haven’t seen him since.There are a couple of other situations. For example, when I went to a club to dance with some girls. The bouncer was checking if you were 18 or not. When he started checking me, I told him I was transgender. He loudly announced it to everyone. He said, "Are you a man on your ID?" He used my old name. I said, "Just let me into the club; I want to dance with my friends. Why are you ruining my evening?" So sometimes these situations happen. It happens occasionally when you’re buying something somewhere too. Adam   What helps you cope with this?    Dakota   To deal with all of it?   Adam   Yes. Even with the situation at the store that you mentioned . The Pink Police, you said?   Dakota   Yes, the Pink Police. The Pink Police are also police officers, but it’s a separate unit where only lesbians, gays, and transgender people work. If you’re LGBTQ+ in the Netherlands, it’s best to call the Pink Police right away and explain the situation. They will understand immediately because they are part of the LGBTQ+ community themselves. They will recognize that it’s transphobia and will help you right away. They take your problem more seriously than the regular police. If you have any issues, the Pink Police will always assist you. In the Netherlands, if a building or store has a sticker with a rainbow flag, it means that place is LGBTQ+ friendly. You can go there if something happens, and you’ll be safe. For example, in Den Bosch, where I’m from, there’s a flower shop near the station with an LGBTQ+ sticker. The owner of the shop is also from the LGBTQ+ community. I can go there anytime if something happens, and they will help me. They provide a separate room for privacy and support. It’s great that there are places like this where you can go if something goes wrong. But the fact that these places exist is also sad because, regardless of being LGBTQ+ or not, everyone should be safe in their country. While having these resources is good, it’s still a terrible situation. Adam   What are the current options for transitioning in the Netherlands?   Dakota   For example, until 2014, they required people to undergo bottom surgery. For instance, if you were a trans man, you had to have your uterus removed. Or if you were a trans woman, you had to have vaginoplasty. Some trans people, however, don't experience dysphoria regarding their genitalia. They were still required to undergo these procedures, even if they wanted to have children. For instance, a trans man who wanted to become pregnant or a trans woman who wanted to preserve her sperm found that this was nearly impossible.    Now, things have changed. You can choose what you want to do. It’s still a lengthy process with a lot of psychological evaluation. For every step you take towards things like hormones or surgeries, you have to be with a psychologist for at least a year. For example, before starting hormones, you need to be with a psychologist for a year, then you start hormones, and you need to be on hormones for at least a year before you can even be referred for surgeries. And before that, you need to spend another year with a psychologist discussing these steps. It takes a lot of time, but it has improved significantly, and insurance helps a lot. Though insurance is very expensive, it covers everything, thankfully. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to afford any of it.   Adam   Yes, as you mentioned, in Kazakhstan, you have to save money for surgeries yourself.   Dakota   Yes, I heard from some girls in an interview that they just pay out of their own pockets, but it’s incredibly expensive. Plus, hormones aren’t regulated, so there’s a risk of buying from black markets where drugs could be tampered with. There have been cases where trans people ordered hormones online not from official sites, and they ended up with poison, LSD, or some very strong drugs mixed in. In Kazakhstan, everything is bought underground. There’s no quality control, so there’s no way to know if the hormones are good or not. Here  we have supervision, they check which hormones work well for my body. Different forms and dosages are available. Some girls don’t know they need to have a minimum or maximum dose. Sometimes they take, for example, five pills a day, which is dangerous. I’ve seen some girls using hormone creams and taking three pills a day, and it’s like... risking a heart attack. But they just don’t have the information because there aren’t good doctors available. I’ve learned everything on my own from what I’ve seen and heard. Adam   Before the recording, you mentioned that your mom accepted you, but it was more difficult with your dad. Can you tell me about that?   Dakota   When I was 18 or 19, I came out, and at first, my parents didn't accept me. My father even said that if he saw me, he would kill me. My mom only accepted me recently, probably about a year ago when I was 24 or 25. And it was only because we started talking about what I was doing. At that time, I was attending an art school. I wrote a report, an art report about my research. I wrote it in the form of a letter to my pre-transition self. So, I addressed it to him, using my old name, and talked about my childhood, how we lived together. Because when I was a boy, I understood that I wasn’t really a boy, but I tried to play that role, which didn’t work out. In my mind, it sometimes felt like a different person, some role I was constantly playing. I wrote this letter in that context, and then my mom read it. I translated it into Russian for her, and she cried. It made her understand me better at that moment. She understood why and how, because it wasn’t just a conversation, she really got it. It was a long process, but now, for example, she never uses my old name or incorrect pronouns. We have a good relationship now, but it was a long, long journey.   Adam   And with your dad?   Dakota   I haven’t had any contact with him since I was eighteen. He kicked me out of the house. Well, not exactly kicked out—I ran away. He said that if he saw me again, I shouldn’t come near him. He doesn’t even know that I’m transgender. He thinks I was a gay at that time. And he started thinking that because I played the role of being a boy, a heterosexual, and had a girlfriend, and all that. But one day… I used to love pins. I had one pin among all of them that was a pink flamingo. I remember coming home, he looked at me, and I said we would have a conversation that evening. We sat in the evening, he turned off all the lights, he was in one corner, and I was in the other. He asked, “What’s that pin you’re wearing?” I had a bunch of pins, which one do you mean? He said, “The pink one.” It was just a flamingo, it was pink, I just liked the pin. “Pink is for gays.” And then he started lecturing me. He said that if it continued, there would be physical consequences for me, if you could say that. At that time, I realized that I needed to run. I turned 18, so I could. I just ran to my best friend’s place. He was a trans man. And we lived like that. For an 18-year-old girl, it was a nightmarish experience. But it’s in the past. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?   Adam   Do you see a positive transformation in your mom's acceptance of you? Dakota It’s positive what’s happening now with me and my relationship with my mother, because our contact with each other has become much better than even before the transition, and we communicate on a higher level now. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown older, because I’ve accepted myself, and she sees that I’m thriving, that everything is going well in my life now. She also understands me in that. Our contact is just much better; we understand each other on a different level now because of it. Adam What would you generally advise parents who are facing something like this, and what could help them? Dakota Maybe the first piece of advice would be to give it time, don’t jump to conclusions right away. Parents should take a day, a week, or a month for themselves to sit with their thoughts, try to find someone they can talk to about it, because it’s already hard for the child. Transitioning, accepting that you’re not a man but a woman, or you’re a man and not a woman, is a huge emotional leap for the child. But parents also need to think about their own feelings, how they’re processing everything. They need to take time for themselves, not make immediate judgments. Don’t argue or fight; just sit with it. Find information. There’s a lot of information online, good resources where people discuss it. Try to find other parents with transgender children and talk to them. What has their experience been like? And just love your child. Coming out isn’t just a whim. It’s not just something you decide to do and transition on a whim. It’s a very difficult step. So, that’s probably what I would advise—just take time and talk. Just talk. Adam You received an education in art. What topics interest you now as an artist and writer? Dakota I explore themes of gender, sexuality, religion, science, and culture. In my art, I combine all these themes. I see myself more as an alchemist than an artist because I delve into culture, gender, and science. For example, in my latest project, I investigated the science of hormones, how they work in the body. I got some information from the university in Nijmegen and spoke with a professor of chemistry and biology. He explained how testosterone works, how it converts into estradiol, and then into estrogen. It was really fascinating. I made a piece of work out of it. In some other works, I explored culture more because I am Kazakh, Russian, Afghan, and Dutch. These are the four cultures that I mix and try to understand because in the Netherlands I’m not fully Russian, Dutch, Afghan, or Kazakh, and at the same time, in Kazakhstan, I don’t fully fit in either. So, I’m in this gray middle where there are very few people like me, and you feel very lonely. At the same time, you try to find your anchor to feel less alone. This is very important for people. I explore that. And at the same time, I started investigating the system we live in now—the binary system where you are either a boy or a girl. Adam There seems to be a lot of freedom in that, right? Dakota Yes, being an artist is cool because you have a lot of freedom. You can explore and do whatever you want. Only sometimes you lack money and time. Adam Does art help you get through difficult moments in life? Do you use it as art therapy? Dakota Yes, definitely. It is art therapy for sure. Because some situations... Adam Can you give an example, maybe you remember one? Dakota   Yes. For example, I sometimes have big problems, a lot of dysphoria about not being able to get pregnant. It’s a very difficult topic for me sometimes because you see other girls who can, and you can’t, and it’s very... it’s hard to accept for yourself. I made performances and works on this theme where I bound a huge body with which I danced, lay down, trying to accept what I don’t have. To accept the fact that this fact exists. When I made this work, some women came who also couldn’t get pregnant, and they weren’t even trans people, and they cried. It was very touching. To understand that your problems are not only yours but also belong to other people. Maybe we have different experiences as to why this problem arose. But there are problems, and in that sense, we understand each other. So, it was very, very cool when I did it. There are other works where I try to find some themes in my experience that annoy me or are difficult. What is good and gives me euphoria, I try to do that and find contact with other people so they can also understand me. We try to connect with each other through these red threads. Even if you’re not an artist and you’re stuck in something, sitting and not knowing what to do, just write or draw or make music. I don’t know, do whatever you want, but something creative—it really helps to get through it all. Adam   There’s a saying: “In love and war, all is fair.” Can art be considered one of the languages that can reach those who might not hear you in another language? Dakota   Yes, art is... I remember when I studied art. It was Lenin or Stalin who said, when cinema first came out, how it works. He said it was a weapon that could be used. I read that somewhere, as I recall. I think about it sometimes because what I do, my art, can be called activist. I’m an activist, and I try to change something or introduce a topic. But that’s not my approach; I don’t want to do that. But other people might see it that way. And at the same time, art can be used as a weapon to introduce certain topics. What I want to say is that art can be a weapon. Or it can be medicine. I hope that art is, most of the time, medicine. I hope that art is not opium, as Nietzsche said, that God is dead, and religion is opium. But I love it when art is like a pill, helping you, easing you.   Adam   Do you think art helps people to see beyond the norm? To question some of the postulates of what is considered normal?   Dakota   Absolutely. The first question I ask is, what is art? For me, art is not just what sits in a museum or gallery. Art is everything you see; it’s all visual. Even culture, what’s happening, music, videos—everything, it’s all art. For example, in my experience, Verka Serduchka. I adore her. She was the first drag queen I ever saw. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. But that’s also art. At the time when she was shown, there wasn’t such aggressive treatment of LGBT people. Even other groups from the post-Soviet Union. They were just making... Beautiful things, truly, I adore them. Her music, oh, I love her music video “Everything will be fine”.    Adam   There was stand-up as well.   Dakota   Yes, stand-up.   Adam   Everyone loved it. Dakota   Yes, everyone loved it; it was all accepted, and there was acceptance at that time. But now it's banned; it's not broadcast. Everything is blocked. You mean about Kazakhstan? Yes, or about Russia. That’s also art that’s banned, that’s not shown. Because of that, part of the freedom just disappears. Some people don’t realize that if someone’s freedom is taken away, it will take a bit of time before your freedom will also be taken away. If that person couldn’t get married, then most likely, something will be banned for you or something won’t be given to you. That’s my view.   Adam   Thank you for your perspective, for coming today and sharing your mindset. It’s been an incredibly interesting conversation. Can you wish something to our listeners who are tuning in?   Dakota   Happiness, love, love, happiness, art, and having good people around you who support you, no matter what. Even if you’re wrong, you need time to realize it, but you should have good people around you who support you. Kindness, health, and art. Thank you.   DISCLAIMER   This podcast is the intellectual property of LGBT World Beside. All rights reserved. The views and opinions expressed in the episodes presented on the website belong solely to the guests. This podcast is supported by the European Cultural Foundation and the European Union.

Conference LGBT World Beside 2024 Bridges of Refuge: Navigating Safety for LGBTQI+ Asylum Seekers from Eastern Europe, the Caucasus, and Central Asia (EECCA). Short description (Eng): This series of events explores the challenges faced by LGBTQI+ asylum seekers fleeing persecution in EECCA. Through panel discussions featuring policymakers, activists, and NGOs, and a film screening with Q&A, attendees will gain insights into support networks available in the Netherlands and strategies for promoting LGBTQI+ rights and safety. Join us in building bridges of refuge for all. This event is organised by LGBT World Beside, a Netherlands-based charity supporting refugees from Eastern Europe, the Caucasus and Central Asia.    July-29-2024 “Unmasking Injustice: Unveiling the Persecution of LGBTQ+ community in Russia and the Eastern Europe, the Caucasus and Central Asia (EECCA) region.  Join a critical panel discussion to hear firsthand accounts from refugees, along with insights from human rights experts and activists, about the discrimination and violence faced by the LGBTQ+ community in Russia and the Eastern Europe, Caucasus, and Central Asia (EECCA) region. This event aims to raise awareness, amplify the voices of those impacted, and spark dialogue on how to advocate for global action and support for LGBTQ+ rights in the region. http://surl.li/fbbxqa Rainbow Bridge to Refuge: Supporting LGBTQI+ Asylum Seekers in the Netherlands Join a critical discussion about the challenges faced by LGBTQI+ refugees seeking safety in the Netherlands, who have fled persecution in their home countries. Connect with policymakers and NGOs to strategize on support, shine a light on their struggles, and build a brighter future for this marginalized community. Be a part of the solution! Network, discuss, and take action to ensure LGBTQI+ asylum seekers find a safe haven in the Netherlands. July-30-2024  FILM: Beyond the Rainbow: LGBTQI+ refugees in NL Join us for a film screening exploring the journeys of LGBTQ+ refugees from Russia, Eastern Europe, the Caucasus, and Central Asia seeking safety in the Netherlands. The film sheds light on their experiences fleeing persecution and the challenges they face in building new lives. More than just a film: A panel discussion with experts and those involved will follow, offering insights and opportunities to learn how you can support LGBTQ+ refugees. http://surl.li/okgkev There is link registration: Bridges of Refuge: Navigating Safety for LGBTQ+ Asylum Seekers from EECCA region. http://surl.li/ihuaay Asylum Seekers from EECCA region.

Photo Amsterdam Gay Pride, first held in 1996, immediately stood out among similar events worldwide. Unlike the protest marches that arose after the Stonewall riots in 1969, the Amsterdam event was conceived as a celebration to emphasize the freedom and diversity of the city. The idea of creating the pride event came from local entrepreneurs who sought to promote the city ahead of the upcoming Gay Games in 1998. The main feature of the celebration was the famous Canal Parade, a unique form of parade for Amsterdam that takes place not on streets but on the city's waterways. This event quickly gained popularity, becoming a symbol of the city and attracting many visitors every year. Growth and Challenges From the outset, Pride was intended as a temporary event until 1998, but its success exceeded all expectations, and it was decided to make it an annual event. In 2001, the number of participants reached 250,000, necessitating a cap on the number of participants. Since then, the organization of the event has become more commercial and political, attracting both support and criticism for the involvement of large corporations. Fighting Pinkwashing In recent years, increasing attention has been paid to the phenomenon of pinkwashing, where companies use LGBT symbols for commercial purposes without genuine support for the community. This has sparked public discussions and highlighted the importance of sincere and ongoing support for the LGBT movement. Amsterdam Gay Pride has become not only an important cultural event but also a symbol of the struggle for LGBT rights and freedoms, remaining one of the city's most vibrant and memorable celebrations.

Photo. The first-ever Kyiv Pride march was held in 2013, attracting about 100 participants and 500 counter-protesters . The event faced severe challenges and cancellations due to security concerns in its early years. Over the years, Kyiv Pride has grown in size and significance. In 2019 for example, more than 8,000 people  participated in the march. However, the event has faced threats and opposition from far-right groups, requiring substantial security measures. In recent years, Ukrainian authorities have improved their support for the event. The growth of Kyiv Pride has coincided with legal advancements , such as the adoption of Ukraine's first Anti-Discrimination Law in 2014 and labor code amendments in 2015 banning discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. In 2022 , unable to hold the event in Ukraine, Kyiv Pride organizers participated in a joint "March for Peace" in Warsaw, Poland, alongside Polish LGBTQ+ activists. In 2023, Liverpool  hosted Kyiv Pride. This demonstrated solidarity between various LGBTQ+ communities during challenging times.  This year, the Pride was held again in Kyev. Due to safety reasons, it was brief and compact (several hundreds of marchers could only proсede for about 20 minutes) but ended peacefully . The organizers intentionally restricted the number of members and kept the location secret . Still, it was a very significant event for the Ukrainian LGBTQ+ community. Ukrainian soldiers with photo tributes to fallen warriors marched with other activists. Many military marchers were wearing rainbow patches on their uniforms. The issue of equal rights for LGBT+ military personnel is particularly acute now. A lack of legal framework prevents a soldier's partner from making medical decisions or having access to the soldier in the event of injury or death. Besides the soldier rights, the march participants called for better legal protection against hate crimes, marriage rights for all queers and more weapons and air defence systems. Despite the difficulties and dangers, activists and supporters came together even during the war, advocating for equal rights for all.

On June 29, 2024, another Spelletjesdag (Games Day) took place in Amsterdam for LGBT+ asylum seekers and refugees from post-Soviet countries. More than 30 people participated in this event, which included an information session, a game called bingo and a gathering in Vondelpark.    Oranje Fonds and Het Blauwe Fonds finance this series of events. This last event was the sixth one in 2024. The informational session was about cultural diversity and communications. The speaker was art historian Ben Toulparov. He presented the results of the related research done amongst the asylum seekers and refugees residing in various refugee camps in the Netherlands.

On May 11, 2024, another Spelletjesdag (Games Day) took place in Amsterdam for LGBT+ asylum seekers and refugees from post-Soviet countries. More than 50 people participated in this event, which lasted about five hours and included an information session and a game called bingo. Oranje Fonds and Het Blauwe Fonds finance this series of events. The informational session covered various aspects of STDs and the Dutch healthcare system. The speaker was Alexandra Volgina , a political activist from Russia who lives and works in the Netherlands. She also presented the same topic in the previous Spelletjesdag event.

LGBT World Beside organized its second Spelletjesdag event of 2024 on Saturday, February 24th, in Amsterdam. This series of events is designed for representatives of the LGBTQ+ community from post-Soviet countries. It provides a great opportunity for refugees and asylum seekers to meet and socialize with friends and acquaintances, make new connections, and participate in various games. The event is funded by Oranje Fonds and Het Blauwe Fonds. During this edition, an informational session was held on Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. Participants discussed key Western approaches to this issue, having read the Russian translation of a lecture by Stanford University professor Mike McFaul beforehand. Additionally, they discussed excerpts from an interview with Timothy Snyder , a Yale University professor specializing in Eastern European history. As usual, the event featured a quiz with prizes.

The commencement of the 2024 Spelletjesdag series was marked by the first event on January 27. Approximately 50 asylum seekers and refugees, mainly from the vicinity of Amsterdam, actively participated in this gathering. The participants engaged in social activities, played games, and attended an informative session facilitated by representatives from the LGBT World Beside. During the session, the organization presented its projects and plans for the year 2024. The financial support for this inaugural Spelletjesdag event, along with the subsequent five events, is provided by Oranje Fonds and Het Blauwe Fonds. Their generous contributions ensure the continuity of these gatherings, promoting community engagement and understanding among LGBT asylum seekers and refugees from post-Soviet countries. The collaborative efforts of organizers, sponsors, and participants are anticipated to result in a series of inclusive and meaningful Spelletjesdag events throughout the year. #LGBT #lgbtrights

Another Spelletjesdag event, filled with joy and learning, took place on March 23, 2024, in Amsterdam. This series of events is designed for representatives of the LGBTQ+ community from post-Soviet countries. It provides a great opportunity for refugees and asylum seekers to meet and socialize with friends and acquaintances, make new connections, and participate in various games. The event is funded by Oranje Fonds and Het Blauwe Fonds. During this event, an informational session took place, during which issues related to trans*persons were discussed. Our volunteers also suggested a masterclass on makeup. Parallel to it, some of the participants played a game called “weerwolven”. #LGBT